dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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