you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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