I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
