Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
