What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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