we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
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