True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Panties = found
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
