im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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