She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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