life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
