Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
