I wish I could punch you in the face.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
