Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
