Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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