I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
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