everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
