i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
