I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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