I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
