so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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