apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
