miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
