I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
