I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
