Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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