cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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