I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
