Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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