Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
