I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
