I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
