There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
