Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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