Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
