Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
