I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
