Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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