I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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