The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
