omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
