Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
