i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
