i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
