so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
