You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
