it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
