i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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