I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
