he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
