he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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