And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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